Due to surviving into our mid-60’s and being retired, confusion has become our constant companion. For example, when Carolyn told me to put “ice” on my grocery shopping list, by the time the faint echoes of the request bubbled up again inside my brain, I had lost track of exactly what I was supposed to do, although I did remember it might’ve had something to do with ice. At that moment, a Facebook post popped up involving Iceland, so naturally I found myself looking into flights to Iceland. Carolyn was a bit confused when I triumphantly told her I had booked two tickets to Iceland, thinking I had fulfilled her wishes just as ordered. Oh, well, gotta love Europe!

Eventually we learned that she had actually asked me to put “rice” on the shopping list.

Good thing there isn’t a Riceland in the world… unless it’s as gorgeous as Iceland. But that’s not likely, because if they had a “Miss Country” beauty pageant, the other countries would all storm out during the swimsuit competition after Iceland saunters out and promptly blows its top off, which would of course send all the male voters into a frenzy and guarantee Iceland the top prize.

As it turns out, Iceland did exactly that about two days after we left, so we missed a good eruption, sadly. Plus we came back without any ice.

I’m both happy and sorry to say that despite our years of travel photography experience, there is nothing I can show you in this post that will truly capture the majesty and beauty that we saw. But, I know you’ve paid good money to read this so I will try my best. I’ll start out with this scene at the airport, which was taken not long before boarding, and made me worry that this low-cost airline we were using might have so many problems that we might be the only ones on the flight. Turns out we were seated at the wrong gate. It’s a wonder we get anywhere successfully nowadays.

Once we landed and settled in, it took us a while to get our bearings and figure out our exact exploration plan. First of all, the place names in Iceland are pretty much impossible for a non-Icelander to pronounce and/or remember. So if you look at a map with all these place names, you not only have no idea what they are, but you have little ability to memorize them in any way. I mean, look at this map, which was more or less a billboard at a roadside stop. I stared at it a while and realized it was going to be about as much help as my growing a third nipple.

Eventually we figured out that it we just drive on the “Ring Road,” which is the one good road that encircles all of Iceland, and watched for picnic table signs, we’d eventually see everything there was to see. Because in Iceland, if it’s very far off the Ring Road, you’d better be driving a 4×4 plus be authorized to do so by the car rental company. Which is fine because there are plenty of interesting things to see without going 4×4, and they kindly put picnic tables in small spots by the side of the road where you can gaze upon waterfalls or glaciers or mountains or vast lava fields or your navel. Accordingly, a very fine sightseeing plan is just to hop in your car and start along the Ring Road and keep your eyes peeled. Easy peasy, once we figured that out.

So because it doesn’t matter what the actual process is, I’m going to display the photos in alphabetical order according to the geotags on each photo. The location names are kind of a hoot, so that’s partly why I decided on this system.

⁨Bláskógabyggð⁩

⁨Bláskógabyggð⁩’s photos consist of one big waterfall: Gullfoss. By the way, “foss” means “waterfall” in Icelandic. They have a saying there: “No foss, no moss.” Or they should, anyway.

Gullfoss translates to “Golden Falls,” and is part of Iceland’s famous Golden Circle, but was never featured in the Golden Girls TV show for some reason. The origin of the name is shrouded in mystery: some say it was named for the golden light that reflects in its waters at sunset, while others believe it was inspired by the rainbow created by the sun hitting the water spray, which makes me wonder if those particular people were colorblind because I’ve never seen gold in a rainbow. At the end, maybe, but never in it.

You can walk to an area that will get you all wet, but we weren’t interested in a Golden Falls shower. There are actually two parking lots, one that gets you close to the falls and the other above some stairs, where there is a nice gift shop and restaurant.

So, see? That’s pretty much how our trip went. Hop in the car for the day, stop at various sites, snapping pictures and gazing in wonder at the rugged beauty, and then on to the next one.

Fagurhólsmýri⁩

Yeah, say Fagurhólsmýri⁩ five times real fast.

This region has some of the most interesting and exciting things to see in all of Iceland.

All we had to do was outrun this rainstorm that kept looming behind us.

There are a lot of waterfalls in Iceland, mostly on account of the water. And gravity. As you’re driving along the Ring Road you just spot them (or the picnic table sign), and then pull over, marvel at the beauty, snap a few photos, and then get in the car and immediately ask where the next restroom is. Old peoples needs their toilets, y’know, especially after being next to that much rushing water.

I don’t know about you, but I think these scenes are real perty-like. There’s definitely something about standing out in the world looking at some of its most beautiful scenery that makes you feel glad to be alive, as well as happy there are still places where you can look out over a great and beautiful expanse and see no one except your honey bunny.

These interesting rock formations are called Basalt Columns, and are basically nature’s attempt at architecture. Basalt makes up about 90% of all the lava rock on earth, and when it cools, due to scientific reasons too complicated to explain here, it sometimes forms these straight columns. (Actually it’s probably not that complicated but when I looked it up there were a lot of words.) Anyway, I think they were really made by the same aliens who made the great pyramids. I mean, if you have the technology to travel hundreds of light years across a universe, the first thing you’re going to want to do when you land is play with rocks, right?

I took this picture for my permanent collection just in case I need blackmail material on Carolyn. Here my favorite scofflaw is traipsing across the grass despite the red line through the human on the sign. She claims she thought it only pertained to men because they used the same male image on bathroom signs. Tell it to the judge.

We took a buttload of photos from the car (a buttload is roughly equivalent to 534), because we were surrounded constantly by such gorgeous scenery. Again, the photos don’t do it justice, you really have to see it in person. For now, I guess you have to settle for BaldSasquatch. But think about adding Iceland to your travel bucket list, it’s hard to imagine anyone walking away from Iceland disappointed in the visit.

That isn’t a volcano blowing in the background, but that field of black rock is as a result of a major lava flow. There were places that looked absolutely otherworldly.

We did frequently marvel at the individual homes or tiny settlements consisting of a handful of houses in the middle of nowhere. I mean, I was certain I saw a sign that said “Nowhere,” with a smaller sign underneath that said, “And you’re in the middle of it.” Anyway, living that remote takes special kind of introvert. If any of those people are extroverts they probably turn into serial killers, or politicians.

We saw lots of horses along the way. The Icelandic horse is a special breed, smaller than most (but they’re not ponies), and direct descendents of the horses originally brought there by the Vikings. The Icelandic horse is known for its outstanding ability to cross rough terrain and are excellent swimmers. The law in Iceland is that you can’t import a horse, and if any horse leaves the country, it can never return, because it might have some big horse cooties on it. Or in it, actually.

The Jökulsárlón Glacier Lagoon is a lagoon formed by the runoff from Breiðamerkurjökull Glacier (which is often pronounced, “Breiðamerkurjökull”), and is yet another spectacular site where photos cannot do it justice. It’s a bay filled with chunks and pieces of ice, looking much like something you’d find in Antarctica. The water flows into the ocean and feeds Breiðamerkursandur beach. While “Breiðamerkursandur” is obviously one of the easiest Icelandic place names to pronounce, for some reason “Diamond Beach” became a more popular nickname for the beach.

The whole place is also a location lots of photographers use for an exotic backdrop. While we were there there was a photo shoot being done with a model who looked absolutely delighted to be standing in freezing cold weather wearing nothing but a flowy skirt and some aluminum foil boots.

We looked and looked for diamonds, hoping to pay for the trip with what we found, but all we saw were these bits and pieces of a glacier (often called “ice”), so we never could figure out why they call it Diamond Beach. The word “Breiðamerkursandur” means “sandy beach” in Icelandic, so I’m guessing that the Diamond Beach nickname came as a result of it taking just as long to pronounce “Breiðamerkursandur” as it takes the earth to forge a diamond.

And so we hit the road again and on to the next beautiful site, which will be presented in the next edition of Bald Sasquatch because we can already see you’ve finished your business on the toilet and are ready to attack life slightly lighter than when you started reading this entry.

So we’ll leave you with this photo of what our stupid rental car (more on the pitiful Ford Puma later… what a hunk ‘o poorly designed junk!), which felt like it needed to remind us every time we stopped the car to look for occupants in the rear seat. I’m not sure who forgot who in the past, but some Ford engineer must’ve thought it was a big problem. Now, if it came up as soon as I got in the car because there was a murderer hiding back there, then they’d be on to something. But if you’re gonna forget your kid or someone back there and only be reminded by this message as you get out of the car, well, all I can say is the Ford Puma is the car for you! And I’m sorry for that!

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