There were three main anticipations we had for this Norwegian voyage. First and foremost was to see the Northern Lights (that entry is still a-comin’!). The second was to see the actual majestic fjords, not those little fjordettes we saw on the way to Oslo while on a ferry from Denmark a while back. The third was to infiltrate Russia and do something about this Putin problem.
(The picture here was created by the artist Banksy and is located in Stavanger, Norway. We didn’t get to see it because Stavanger is about 4-1/2 hours south of Bergen, plus we didn’t want to be photographed by the KGB prior to our infiltration, but I think it’s safe to say that Banksy shares our sentiments. Plus it gave me some ideas, like making birds eat little undigestible bomblets and then releasing them over the Kremlin. Genius!)
Anyway, we grabbed our spot on the fjord cruise and sailed away to wonder, gawk, and point at some of earth’s greatest majesties.
But first we had to get Carolyn all straightened out and recovered after her trip to the hospital.
As you can see here, we had our work cut out for us.
It didn’t get much better as the morning wore on. So I googled: “Can a small broken wrist bone affect your brain or personality?” Unfortunately, both the medical community and Dr. Google scandalously ignore the wrist/brain continuum, so we were on our own.
When she began looking like a homeless person, I reverted to my childhood medical training and decided she needed some 7-Up. Sure, maybe it doesn’t heal anything, but it it does make throwing up taste a little better. She wasn’t throwing up, but like the song says, “The wrist bone is attached to the stomach bone…” Unfortunately, we couldn’t find any unopened 7-Up cans on the sidewalk, so I had to do the next best thing.
Between Carolyn’s green sausage wrap and Susan’s “neverlost” coat that can be seen from space, they became known Norway-wide as “The 7-Up Sisters.” Someone even donated a bucket ‘o 7-Up fixin’s in the hopes that the word would get out that Norway grows the best limes and lemons in the world. (“Tell the world about our citrus in your famous blog!” the farmer cried.) Eventually, Carolyn did act a little more spritely, especially after we generously donated some of the fruit to starving Norwegians. And by donated, I meant whatever was left after we were finished with the margaritas. And sure, maybe we used them all, but the rinds were still perfectly edible, if you’re starving.
Our cruise ship docked in a town called Ålesund, whose motto is, “We’re so awesome we put a halo on the first letter of our name.” Ålesund is famous for its Art Nouveau architecture, which we mostly missed because they hustled us from our cruise ship to a more fjordable ship. I can tell you that Ålesund is the 13th most populous municipality in Norway with a population of over 67,000, and was founded in the 9th century. What I can’t tell you is how you pronounce the “Å in Ålesund.” Probably Aaaaaaalesund.
Judging by the architectural scenery, we bypassed the whole Art Nouveau thing and instead were led through Unrefined Oldeau, and were even mooned in the process.
You know, here’s the thing about Ålesund: it’s a town.
We wiped our shoes of Ålesund and boarded our fjord-craft and agreed with Carolyn that it was really cool to see a “staaar!” in the daytime. We were still a bit worried about her.
And we were off! The rest of this entry is mostly going to be showing you scenery. I had to go through hundreds of pictures just to whittle out the riff raff. Hopefully all I ended up with is raff. But I gotta say, during the voyage up the fjord it was as if every five minutes the scenery was just different enough to warrant another photo or five. If we had made that trip during the olden days of our youth, we would’ve spent eight hundred euros on film processing just from this excursion, including having to pay for all the photos of our frozen thumbs.
The ship sailed down a fjord named Geirangerfjord, ending the first half of the journey with a stop at the small village of Geiranger located at the end of the fjord. That area is one of Norway’s most visited tourist locations, and in 2005, it was listed as a UNESCO World Heritage Site. We were glad we hadn’t made arrangements to stay in the town when we saw those rustic hutches, thinking they were the local Motel 6.
Actually, those hutches are old fisherman huts and are still in use; you can park boats underneath them and they’re also a good place to hide dead bodies. But as you can see from the photo of the hotel that could’ve been the set for The Shining, Geiranger has much nicer accommodations than those huts. In fact, the wedding of Norwegian Princess Märtha Louise and Durek Verrett took place at the Hotel Union in Geiranger (which isn’t the one pictured). No one outside of Scandinavia knows who they are but hey, if you have “Princess” before your name, everything you do is noteworthy. In my next life I want to be a princess. Carolyn just told me I already am one, so score!
They put us on a bus in order to take us to the top of the mountain. The ride was more than a little harrowing due to snow and ice all over roads featuring more twists and turns than a blender full of snakes. When the bus first started to leave the parking lot, the driver had to take two or three runs at it before he got enough traction to hit the road. It’s a little disconcerting to be sitting in a bus that’s moving backwards when the tires aren’t turning! The road itself snaked up the mountain with only a small guardrail standing between us and a short bus flight to Valhalla. Anyway, we crossed our fingers that our driver knew what he was doing, and apparently he did because we’re alive to tell the tale. I still can’t uncross one of my fingers, though.
As you can see, the views were well worth the sweaty palms, heart palpitations, migraines, heartbreak of psoriasis, and the ominous bouts of gurgling diarrhea potential that we suffered as a result of that death-defying drive. We regularly risk our lives just to entertain our baldsasquatch.com readers!
So anyway, here follows the curated shots from the cruise up Geirangerfjord. It was very chilly outside, exacerbated by the wind whipping into our faces like the time I stuck my head out of a 747 mid-flight. After we were out there long enough to have our phones ice over, we would go inside and bask in the warmth, defrost the electronics and our bodily dangly bits, and then brave the chilly blasts to go outside and snap some more photos. The following series of photos is as close as I can come to providing a complete video of the excursion. In a way, despite the similar looks of the scenery, the sheer volume is one of the things that really demonstrates the majesty of it all. It was definitely one of the highlights, if not the highlight, of the entire voyage!
One of the interesting things about the fjord was observing and hearing about the small villages that dot the coastline. Talk about remote! We were told stories of the olden days when they had to row sick people in boats for about 15 hours each way (in uphill water besides!) just to get to a doctor, who unfortunately was often out playing snow golf. Anyway, if you crave isolation, Norway has some towns just for you!
Bottom line: if you ever get the chance, sail down the fjords of Norway. One of our best trips ever!
(Scroll down to see previous entries.)
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