The last part of our Eastern European tour finished up in München, Germany’s third largest city. Since we were arriving in October, we expected Octoberfest to be in full swing. We looked forward to things like guzzling beer straight from drinking fountains, free steins of foamy brews being offered to us as we staggered around town, and seeing lots of beerded ladies.

Alas, it turns out that Octoberfest really starts in September, and was long over by the time we got there. Way to sneak one past us, Germans! One less set of tourists you didn’t have to worry about huh? Oh well, we really don’t like beer all that much anyway.

We settled into our rented apartment, which was a little bit of an odd one in that we were more or less in an office building and our apartment was the only one on the floor. We were surrounded by businesses of all kinds, as well as a fairly noisy construction project going on somewhere in the building, and they started with the drills about 6:00 AM. On top of all that, there was a party in the parking lot on a Friday night until maybe 4:00 AM, and we could hear them clearly even though we were about ten floors up. And I thought the Portuguese were late night partiers!

The above photo was the view from our apartment; not exactly nature’s scenic beauty. That building houses some sort of bean company; my theory is that the smokestacks were there to carry away all the, well, fartiness. We could only hope we were upwind.

The building we were living in was noisy seemingly all day and all night long. Then I took a closer look at the signs for the various businesses on our floor. It was only then that I understood why we would probably never get a good night’s rest in Munich:

Yeah, I guess it pays to research the floor of your rented apartment. The good news is I finally got some of that jackhammering I needed done.

As we drove around Munich, like Innsbruck, we found the city to be nothing worth going gaga over. I’m sure it’s a fine place to live with all the services anyone might need, but the only real tourist draw for us was old town Munich (the Marienplatz). And that didn’t disappoint, so we were glad to have experienced Munich overall, especially with some of the day trips available by using the city as a central hub.

Beautiful old buildings surround the Marienplatz. In WWII, Munich was originally spared much bombing because of its distance from the UK. However, as the allies closed in during 1942, the city became a big target, and then was nearly obliterated by 1944 with 70% of its buildings being destroyed.

Since it ended up in the hands of the Americans after the war and it didn’t have to labor under the yoke of the Soviet Union, the city was completely rebuilt, and used its pre-war street grid (which may not have been the best idea), restoring much of its former glory especially in the Marienplatz. Munich also hosted the 1972 Summer Olympics, which unfortunately became infamous when Palestinian terrorists took members of the Israeli Olympic team hostage and all of the hostages died during a failed rescue attempt.

Marienplatz is dominated by the “new town hall” and this column in the middle photo called Mariensäule, which was erected in 1638, and is still erect to this day mostly as a result of receiving regular doses of Statue Viagra.

Shopping abounds with lots of high-end stores and restaurants in the area. I did get a kick out the somewhat kitschy Nail & Spa shop using American flag decor to promote itself, as if somehow American nails are a thing? I’m not sure it’s still a good idea because America’s reputation in Europe has taken a huge hit what with the political goings-on there. Maybe they should go with an Iceland theme, no one hates Icelanders.

They went so high-end with the shops that they even opened a store just for Christ (featuring large repeating signs because after 2,000 years, of course he’s starting to get a little near-sighted), and who could resist picking out the juiciest earthworms ever from Wormland? I’m surprised that’s not a thriving worldwide chain by now. Mom: “Let’s go to Wormland!” Kids: “Yaaay!”

About an hour’s drive outside Munich is Linderhof Palace. Schloss Linderhof is one of three palaces built by King Ludwig II of Bavaria but was the only one actually completed. Unfortunately, they didn’t allow picture-taking inside the palace, which we toured, but our tour guide was not of the highest quality and while it was gaudy and somewhat interesting, if they’re not going to let me take pictures then this is all the attention they get out of this blog. Harrumph. Damn Linderhoffians.

The crown jewel of our daytrips outside Munich had to be this fairy tale castle called Neuschwanstein Castle, which I still can’t pronounce despite hours of trying. Okay, maybe once. Anyway, I’m sure you’ve already seen pictures of this all around the internet, it is, shall we say, slightly picturesque.

You get that photo by braving the crowds and standing on a bridge you hope like hell was designed to hold 100 people. I was also terrified that someone would jostle my arm as I tried to get a picture, possibly sending my iPhone deep into the chasm below. So I rushed to the railing shoving men, old ladies, and baby carriages out of my way, snapped my photo and then I got out there before anyone figured out why that one guy fell off the bridge. It was all just a little crazy. I guess there’s something to be said for taking your own photo, but it’s kinda funny to watch 100 people jostle and maneuver to get the exact same shot everyone else is, and the internet already has. Of course, I scoff, but I did the exact same thing. Damn tourist.

This is what that bridge looks like from the castle. I’m the third damn tourist on the left.

Neuschwanstein Castle is located above a small tourist-trappy town where there are also a couple of other lesser castles. We didn’t tour these; we were gunning for the big boy.

As it turns out Neuschwanstein Castle is a lot like dating a supermodel. She may look great from the outside, but once you get a peek inside her liver you discover she’s slightly overrated. That comment is certainly influenced by the fact that they don’t let you take any pictures inside, and even if you wanted to they wouldn’t have blown anyone away. It was just a bunch of old furniture with lots of liver spots. I kid, it wasn’t bad, but it was a small letdown from the grandiosity that seemed to offer so much promise. Damn supermodels.

As with so many castles and palaces on hills, the scenery was gorgeous, so the whole experience was well worth doing. It’s just that the best part of it was pretty much taking the same photos that the internet has in probably the tens of thousands. The above are unique though, with angles and lighting like the world has never seen before. I know I should sell them as tokens or whatever that crap is, but dammit, I maintain that I always want this to be a free blog for everyone! And that includes all four of my loyal readers!

Otherwise, that was pretty much all she wrote. The trip was long, tiring, but well worth the price of admission, covering five countries, countless castles, over 2,500 kilometers driven, and hardly any pedestrians doing damage to our front bumper. We had full insurance coverage in any case. Damn jaywalkers.

On the flight home we were treated to this amazing lightning display. Was it a portent of things to come?

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