On our first visit to a city for sightseeing, our usual modus operandi is to take a look at TripAdvisor or the like and sort the “Things to do” and “Attractions” by the traveler rankings. Depending on whether we want to see the first handful of places, we then usually leave the rest to chance. Some of the most interesting things we’ve seen on our travels have been when we’ve accidentally stumbled across them. Or, in the case of seeing the inside of a foreign hospital, one of us, who shall remain nameless (Carolyn), accidentally stumbling and falling onto her rumpe (Norwegian for “butt”).

We only had part of a day to explore Trondheim while Tim and Susan went on a tour of the Nidaros Cathedral, which just happens to be the number one site to see according to the readers of TripAdvisor. Since we’ve taken to boycotting the insides of Cathedrals after having seen approximately one million of them, we let our friends go on our merry way while we wandered the streets of Trondheim, finally free of the two people I was beginning to suspect might be Russian spies intent on disrupting my infiltration of Russia.

Trondheim’s daily weather from November to March generally hovers around freezing, with a record high in January of 13.7°C (56.7°F), and a record low of −25.6°C (−14.1°F). We were glad to be there when it was hovering around freezing. These are the scenes that greeted us at the dock. They greeted us the same way when we returned to the ship, because Norwegian scenes are notoriously greetful.

Despite the relatively balmy temperatures, Carolyn still dressed up like a big green sausage. We actually purchased that coat in Norway, figuring if there was anyone who knew about warm coats, it would be the Norwegians. Plus now she can hide in a forest, or in a green sausage factory.

Since it was a Sunday, it was quiet in Trondheim despite it being Norway’s third largest city. Religiously, the Norwegians are largely Lutheran, although Norway is ranked as one of the most agnostic/atheist countries in the world per capita, joining Sweden, Vietnam, Denmark, and Japan in the top five. So maybe it wasn’t quiet because the Trondheimians (Trondeimites? Trondheimcicles?) were all in church, maybe they were just recovering from Saturday night hangovers. (Actually, the country has pretty strict rules on alcohol consumption; including that anything stronger than wine or beer must be sold only through state-run liquor stores, and never on Sundays. I suppose that’s a smart thing because excessive drinking might be a little too tempting when you’re in the middle a long, dark, winter.)

We trudged through the city until we got to the Number One Bestest Site In All of Trondheim, the Nidaros Cathedral. True Trivia (as opposed to the stuff I just make up): Trondheim used to be called Nidaros. It was changed to Trondheim in the 16th century, back to Nidaros in 1930, and then back to Trondheim a year later. Which is good, because I think Trondheim is one of the coolest city names ever. I can just see a burly, full-bearded Viking king standing tall, slamming the base of his bondeøk on the ground while bellowing, “This… is… TRONDHEIM!” (A Bondeøk is a Norwegian battle axe, not to be confused with any particular Viking wife of the time.)

Construction of the cathedral began in 1070, and it was built to memorialize the burial place of Olav II of Norway (he didn’t get to bellow the Trondheim thing). It is an impressive-looking building, but we weren’t sad not to have seen the inside of it. Of course, by the looks of the graves on the grounds, a lot of people were already dying to get inside. Okay, yeah, sure, bad dad joke; but one out of tomb ain’t bad.

Besides, Tim and Susan did the tour of the inside for us, so I hacked into their phones to grab the best pictures. Can you go to hell for stealing photos of a church? Hopefully three is the minimum go-to-hell quantity since I only got these two.

Trondheim’s second most popular attraction is the Bakklandet, a neighborhood with lots of small shops, narrow streets, and flat-faced wooden buildings. It’s charming and beautiful, although not particularly overwhelming for a Number Two Attraction (to be fair, lots of number two attractions are pretty shitty). However, even though the “top two” things to do in Trondheim didn’t blow our socks off (which we were glad for because it was still around freezing), we thought the city was adorable. You go Number Two!

The next top attraction (after a couple of museums and a fortress) in Trondheim is the Old Town Bridge. On the walk there, we met a friendly German family (who happened to be on our cruise), and they told us about some sort of tradition about it being good luck to kiss on the bridge. After some confused looks, they emphasized that it was supposed to be with your own significant other.

So we kissed on the bridge.

However, it was only a few days after that that Carolyn slipped on the ice. And so I call bullshit on the good luck thing… although I’m always game for a kiss (for some reason I really wanted to go see Stiftsgarden right afterwards).

But insofar as counting our luck, we were on a cruise in Norway, accompanied by two of the most delightful Russian spy travel companions one could ask for, and we were retirees walking leisurely around a beautiful snow-covered city in Norway, so maybe we’ve had some damn fine luck after all, even sealed with a kiss.

We did get a kick out of a couple of things in Trondheim. One was this Christmas decor that may serve double duty as an emergency bonfire, I dunno. If you look closely, there are ice skates and Christmas trees with Santa hats as well as a chair for baby Jesus. I’m sure it all means something to somebody. On the other hand, it might’ve been a shelter for some holiday-loving homeless man, or maybe a recycling spot for old holiday decor and ice skates.

On the way back to the ship we inadvertently walked through what must’ve been the red light district, what with their offer to photograph titts and all. Although Europeans tend to think of female breasts as being largely the same as male breasts, except maybe just a tad poofier, so maybe these photographers simply liked calling their business Titt. I know I would.

Speaking of moose titts (were we?), we did sign up for the Moose Ride. I mean, who doesn’t have “riding a moose” on their bucket list? Unfortunately, it was only fun for all of about three seconds before we tumbled off in a heap of old-age moans and swear words (I didn’t know “Moosetard” was even a word). Fortunately, the snow was deep so when we fell off we hardly broke any major bones at all. So all we really got was three seconds on the back of that monster and this lousy photo. Pfft. I could’ve probably Photoshopped that picture instead and saved the 500 euro expedition fees.

And so the sun set on our Trondheim expedition and we were off to our next destination. Of course, the sun never did rise much more than what you see here. During January, Trondheim receives only about six to eight hours of sunlight a day, and the sun never gets too high… especially with all those alcohol restrictions. Ba dum bum.

Part of my process of selecting photos for the blog involves first going through each photo and putting them into folders based on location. For this trip, I ended up with 17 different folders (oy vay!), one of which is entitled “Views from the ship.” That folder alone had more than 400 photos in it. Thanks to digital technology, we sometimes found ourselves snapping endless shots of the same view: “Maybe the sun will hit just right,” or “Ooh! A new angle!” or “Man you’ve got a big head, sit down!” Still, we have some very beautiful pictures of nature’s beauty, so I think I’ll just select a handful at random and put them at the end of every Norway blog entry.

Enjoy!

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